borschtkot | A TIME QUAD FLIP FOR AGALIO!

A TIME QUAD FLIP FOR AGALIO!

Not every driver could be perfect 100% of the time. Otabek did his best. In fact, that day he wasn't legally at fault. The other drive was the problem. Yuri couldn't remember the accident. Probably for the best. It meant he couldn't remember his injuries at the worst time. He was told there was a lot of blood, that Otabek had managed to save himself from anything severe, and honestly if it wasn't for Otabek, Yuri would have been dead.

The accident was bad, but it could have been worse. It could have been a lot worse than some broken bones, torn ligaments and road rash. It did mean skating was on the back burner for awhile. Something that was extremely difficult for Yuri to take for over a year of recovery. It was going to be longer than a year. Depression clung hard and it made that first year very difficult.

The angry teenager was angrier. Cabin fevered, irritable, snapping at anyone and everyone. Then there were the moments of just depression where he didn't want to get up and do anything at all. What would be the point? He probably wouldn't be able to skate again, not like he used to.

It didn't help that he was rather suddenly cut off from what he would call his 'source of entertainment'. Apparently his Grandfather wasn't pleased with what he found on Yuri's phone. Threatened legal action, the whole thing. Yuri ended up with a new phone, his old one kept by his grandfather.

Harsh.

At least Yuri had a friend that was allowed near by. A few actually. During the off seasons he was visited by others. Victor, Yuuri... both would be retired by the time Yuri skated again, if he ever did. It meant Yuri would never get to skate on the same ice as Victor.

More depression followed that realization. Otabek felt guilty, Yuri knew that. He probably didn't help in that first year, reacting out of anger, saying things he shouldn't have said. He was eternally thankful for Otabek's patience. It was because of his friend that Yuri started recovering properly, regaining strength.

The scars he had were covered over with increasingly intricate tattoos, as he had little else to do except sit about. The idea came from.. well, he'd never admit it openly. His grandfather was happy to sign off on anything Yuri wanted at that point to make him happy and to help hide away the remaining reminders of young talent almost lost.

Almost.

Because Yuri was back on the ice.

Yuri had grown taller, reaching five foot seven and three fourths though if you look at his identification it said five foot eight. Only when standing next to Yuuri Katsuki or anyone else of that height did it seem slightly off. He wore heels more often than not anyway, making him taller than even Victor. He'd been short for so long, he liked to be tall. He was still long limbed and had adapted to the changes in his body quite well, probably because as he was growing he was recovering.

And his hair.. He had allowed it to grow and it hung past his shoulders now, often held back in some form of braiding or pony tail. Today it was a loose braid hanging over one shoulder, as he was just here to get a feel for the rink.

He hadn't posted on the social media networks in awhile. Everything was private on the majority and the skating SNS... he just hadn't put anything up. Not until about a week ago, at least. It was a photo of his old skates beside his new pair, the blade black with an etched red pattern. His heel was a bit higher than normal, he liked the look of it.

His phone had exploded with notifcations. Three years since his last time seen on the ice! And his doctors weren't exactly overjoyed. Yuri had pushed hard to be here, and his grandfather was glad this first competition Otabek would be there. The young man was a good friend and Yuri's grandfather was too ill to come.

It was nice to know people were still happy for Yuri to come back to the ice. He'd missed out on other skaters. Victor, Yuuri, Chris.. It was frustrating, but he still had years left. Yuri felt good enough to get back out there. He wasn't going to sacrifice any more years.

He sets his skate down against the ice, holding on the half wall with both hands. He takes a deep breath, knowing he probably should wait for Otabek, but... It was a competition rink. There were one or two skaters there just getting a feel, so Yuri didn't feel too nervous. He brushes his hood down, his clothing the same body hugging styles he always enjoyed.

There were new skaters around. Then the faces that he hadn't seen in awhile. He didn't approach anyone, wouldn't. He needed to focus. So he starts the warm up, drifting around the rink. It felt so.. good to be back here. It was just a stupid qualification competition, but his end goal.. Grand Prix.

He was going to get there. He was going to get another gold, and he intended on breaking more records. He fits his earbuds into his ears, making it very clear he didn't want to talk to anyone, even people he knew right now. Instead he just skates, letting himself go into step sequences made up on the fly and few small jumps, singles and doubles, just to get his muscles going.

This was just to get a feel, he reminded himself. The others were here for that same reason.

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Neither of them could really break the status quo, even after 3 years could they? It would be strange if they did. If they started talking on friendly terms things would feel too strange.

Yuri raises a brow when he notices that JJ is leaning in, and he leans back slightly.

"Well, you're certainly checking the competition out. Should I stand and do a twirl?"

Weirdo. Had Yuri really changed that much? It didn't really click for him that the pretty face he possessed had filled out. There was no mistaking he was an adult but there could still be mistaking him for an attractive female. At least until he opened his mouth. He still had those deeper tones in his voice and course language.

Yuri hadn't even bothered standing up to greet JJ. But when heard the words 'I gave up' he just felt annoyance. He shifted to his feet, the heels making him taller than JJ.

"Yeah, well, some of us almost had all this taken from them because of a drunk, so excuse me if I don't have a lot of sympathy for your plight."

Gave up... Whatever. Why would JJ even do that? It wasn't like JJ sucked. Yuri starts to step down the bleachers, forever annoyed with the Canadian.

"I don't want sympathy," JJ spat immediately. The thought was insulting to him. He wasn't so unaware that it was his own choices that caused him to end up where he was. The years at least taught him that much.

It wasn't beyond him what had happened to Yuri, and while he knew that he was out for some time, he didn't know how long.

It was a mistake coming back here, he realized. He should have saved it for when they were competing against each other in the Grand Prix.

But the thought of missing what he had witnessed of Yuri here... he didn't want that, either. If the first time he saw Yuri was at the Grand Prix, he would have been distracted. This gave him time.

Tch he made an annoyed noise at himself. He was stepping behind Yuri. He reached up, and placed a hand on his back, where he had seen the tattoo earlier.

"I felt bad for you," he said. Empathy wasn't his strong point, but the feelings he had sitting here that had attached themselves to Yuri forced him to feel bad. He had to keep himself from word-vomiting (this was difficult for JJ).

He had wanted to go see Yuri after the accident, but knew damn well he couldn't. Not with Victor and Yuuri around.

"No need to twirl, though. I saw you do it plenty on the ice," a smirk.

Maybe the wording was off. Yuri pulled away drop the touch in his back, green eyes almost on fire as he glares at the man who he finally could properly look down his nose at.

"You felt BAD for me? I'm sure you did. I never even got a card, so I'll have to take your word for it."

Well, he hadn't meant to snap that out but he was angrier than he thought. What they had was a no strings fling yet he was angry there hadn't even been a letter...

"You'll see me do it again when I take gold at the Grand Prix. I've waited three years to get back on the ice, I'm not going to let someone like you rob me of my comeback."

Yuri's words cut straight through him. His face contorted - bringing him back to the days that followed the accident. "That's not fair," JJ returned. He had failed to keep face here. He tried so hard to maintain his cool.

"You know you wouldn't have gotten it if I had. Not with an army of disapproving friends surrounding you." There was no point, to JJ, of even trying to get past Victor, Yuuri, Otabek, and then his grandfather. JJ saw a giant wall placed in front of him. It wasn't one he could break down. Every attempt would have been stopped.

He realized, immediately, as he was talking that he was looking up at Yuri. Weird.

"So don't give me a problem about disconnecting instead." A frown. "So yes, I still feel bad it happened, but that doesn't mean I'm going to go easy on you."

"You didn't even try.!" Yuri whirls on JJ, voice raising as he steps back up towards him. "No blank postcards, no unmarked messages, you didn't even post something on your SNS!"

Why was he shouting? Why was he bothering with being upset? JJ didn't care. He'd never cared.

"Why are you even here? This is broadcast live, you could have seen it there. So why?"

Yuri pokes JJ's chest hard.

"You were the one who made it clear I was nothing to you. I got the hint.."

Don't do it. Don't say it.

That voice in the back of his head told him. The part of him that tried to keep him from doing something stupid. He ignored it so often. He was going to ignore it now, too. "I don't have an excuse. I couldn't deal."

He did say that it was no strings attached, didn't he? He made it clear. A facade he forced upon himself to keep him from ending up in situations like this.

And here he was - in this situation.

He cursed in Russian. Words he had learned in his time off. He didn't really learn much of the language, but spending time around Yuri made him figure he'd at least want to learn that little. "I thought you wanted it like that." Then he curses in French.

Stop...

He told himself. And ignored it again. He reached up and did something he couldn't go back from, pulling Yuri into a kiss.

"You thought I wanted that? You were the one who wanted that. You. I never said a damn thing about what I wanted because the one time I did you forced me the other way, you--"

Yuri startles at the grab and he slams both hands against JJ's chest, shoving the Canadian back and going down a few steps himself.

"No. You're the one who didn't want strings but I thought we at least had becone some.. fucked up friends."

His rubs his eyes with the heels of both hands before throwing them down to shout.

"You never ASKED WHAT I WANTED!"

He never asked, either. Or at least, as far as he remembered. And with Yuri's confirmation, he knew he hadn't. He had done more damage 3 years ago then he could have imagined he'd done. A little older, and having spent some time alone, meant he understood a little better now. But, there wasn't anything he could do about that.

He turned his head away. He was trying to look at something else. Anything else. Anything that wasn't Yuri.

"I'm sorry," he said quietly. He didn't enjoy apologizing. He didn't enjoy that he had seemed to have hurt Yuri so much, too. He fought through the stubbornness to do it.

He didn't want to sound flippant about it or make excuses. He didn't sound like he was just apologizing to apologize, either. He wanted Yuri to get it. This wasn't easy for him. It was complicated, and he didn't always make good choices.

"I cared, so you know. I take relationships seriously when I am in them. I cracked under the pressure with you, too. As I do, but you already know that about me." He was unamused the entire time he spoke again.

He was keeping it together, and he should just be happy about that.

Yuri decided he didn't have to keep it together. He was going to feel what he wanted to feel and JJ was going to have to deal with it. JJ clearly didn't want to deal with anything, if the last three years were any indicator and Yuri honestly didn't care that the man just apologized.

"You don't get to tell me it was a relationship when you told me it was nothing!" He really shouldn't shout, but his face felt hot, his eyes were burning.

It was stupid to be angry that someone he used to hate didn't contact him. Used to..? Yuri thought he was feeling a lot of hate right now, or hurt at least.

"So you're here to what, apologize? I don't want your apology, I want you to tell me what you want, right here. I don't want you telling me nothing, nothing then fuck me over a wall!"

He pushes his hair back with a hard rake of his hand, looking away from JJ.

"So what is it? You want to fuck? Fine, we can fuck. My hotel isn't far. You can get whatever out of your system."

He waves his hand in a flippant way as he turns and heads down the stairs of the bleachers.

"Its not like I don't do it, you're not going to be any different."

"It wasn't, but it would have been," JJ said. "My teenage self was stupid, wasn't he? I could have been married, had kids. But instead he chased after someone way too young who didn't even like him."

His own eyes were burning, his chest was aching and his body was way too warm. He was somewhere between angry, wanting to scream and make noise and hurt. He wanted to disappear again.

"I didn't come here to apologize," he was honest about that. "I came here to see you. Not to fuck you."

The implication wasn't lost on him.

"What was the point of me staying behind when there were clearly people around you who were able to love you better than I could?" His voice was loud. Too loud. He was shouting and hadn't even realized it.

Others were going to hear him.

"Well, sounds like we had a lot in common back in the day." Yuri was almost to the bottom walkway when JJ raised his voice. His head snapped around, staring up at him.

His hands clenched into tight fists, forcing himself to steel up because he couldn't keep being upset about this, he couldn't keep breaking himself over it.

"It was never about who could love me better. What's the point in having someone who can love me better if I didn't love them back?" He waves his hand in a flippant way. "Tried it, didn't work. If you're going to keep making decisions for me, try to make better ones."

Now he was just bitter. JJ had always made every decision. So what was that last one? Reel Yuri in then throw him back under some pretense of kindness?

"Quit shouting anyway, Your voice carries. Its cold. I'm leaving. Its up to you if you follow me to continue this bickering elsewhere."

Walking would give Yuri a break from feeling and allow a few moments for him to calm down at least.

JJ wasn't done talking - fighting - whatever with Yuri. He was stupidly determined to make the other understand what he was talking about. He was being stubborn.

He felt like he understood what Yuri was saying (he didn't really). He listened.

Then something struck him in Yuri's words. He had been listening carefully to everything said to him.

Wait. What.

He followed after him, picking up his pace. "Wait, you loved me?" This probably shouldn't have made him angry.

But it did.

"See. If I had asked you if you did then, would you have told me honestly?" He kept walking, though he did stay one or two paces behind Yuri. He was going to follow him. He was going to make him listen. He was going to listen, too.

He was pretty sure it was an impulse of theirs to lie to each other, or just say things to get under one another's skin.

"Fine. What do you think then, Yuri? What do you think I should do? What do you think I'm doing here? I don't think you even realized what you had over me."

"I have no idea what I would have said because you never treated anything seriously" Sure, they argued but JJ never made anything serious. Yuri just.. followed suit.

"I don't know anything that went on in your head because you never told me anything."

He grabs his coat from where he'd left it and threw it in. It was tailored nicely to him, the wind catching the thigh length tails gently.

"I can only guess why you're actually here, JJ. You've always told me you want nothing so you get nothing until you spit out what you actually want."

"I wanted to come here to see you," JJ sounded rather earnest. He hadn't really calmed down, but he wasn't shouting anymore. "I had all of these stupid thoughts in my head when I went back to Canada."

He sounded amused, and annoyed with himself. "That if I had gone through with asking you to come back to Canada with me, you would have never gotten hurt." Plus - at home - no one could have stopped what was going on between them.

He assumed Yuri wouldn't want to, so he never bothered. Again, making the choices. He never realized how many he made, or how many things he assumed of Yuri. He kind of wished he asked.

The smile he wore was forced and uncomfortable. "So no. Not nothing. Unless you're nothing."

Well, that was lame, he told himself.

Yuri ties his hair into a ponytail over one shoulder, just to keep the wind from making a mess of it. It was chilly. He was Russian, this shouldn't bother him but tonight it felt colder than normal. Like it was cutting deeper just to annoy him.

"Oh, you would have asked me to do something you knew I couldn't do? I was a minor, even at 16 I was still a minor and I was the only breadwinner for my family."

Not so much any more. AFter his accident things changed a bit, and Yuri was thankful for it. It was a lot of pressure to deal with for someone his age.

"I wouldn't have gotten hurt if I was running five minutes later or earlier. I wouldn't have gotten hurt if Otabek wanted to take the train that day, I wouldn't have gotten hurt if I insisted. Or I also could have been dead."

He hadn't slowed, still walking at a swift pace. The hotels weren't far. The cold was bitter, but not as bitter as he was, for sure.

But he stops at the attempt at romantic talk. He turns to look at JJ, a loop of gold hair hanging half in his face. His eyes were red rimmed and he looked suddenly very tired.. but not a drop of that bitterness had left.

"So you saw me. Now what? You've always been good at making the decisions."

A few snowflakes were falling and Yuri's breath was a little puff of steam.

"Even if you couldn't. I should have asked. It'd have been nice to know if you wanted it even if you couldn't. Not that it matters now. Can't change anything about then." He shrugged. He didn't want to sound indifferent to what had happened.

It had already started snowing at home, too. It didn't surprise him when he noticed the flakes falling here, too. JJ let out an annoyed huff at Yuri's question.

"And here I was thinking you didn't want me to make any decisions for you." He closed the space between them.

"I'm not a game for you anymore, kitten. You're not the only one who has changed. If you think I'm playing now, then you've made some horrible misconceptions about me."

"Oh but you've always been so good at deciding everything for me. Why would I stop you now?"

Yuri doesn't move away from JJ. He glares at him evenly, hands burrowed deep into his pockets. He wanted to scream at the man, hit him, blame him for every little thing that had gone wrong in the past 3 years. Just.. so much resentment was in him and it refused to budge.

"The game was always yours. I just played in it. And you played me. And I accept that you played me."

To the best of Yuri's knowledge at the time, Yuri was nothing more than an easy fuck. JJ telling him now that it meant more didn't change any of that.

"So you came here to see me. Now you've seen me. You've even talked to me. What else do you want?"

"Don't act like you didn't play me," JJ said. He certainly felt played. And he wasn't really feeling any better about Yuri's perspective on the whole thing now.

"And I'm not making any for you now." He hadn't even really realized he was doing it. Now was the time to stop, he guessed.

There were no space between them, he closed it. It was strange to be able to look Yuri in the eye. There were a lot of things he wanted. A hand reached up, gripping Yuri's chin. "I want things from you that I shouldn't have." He didn't want to fall into that loop again. He knew he would.

"I played in the game you set up, JJ. I said that. I'm well aware I started the ball rolling, I'm aware of that, but things fell into your hands after that point and you decided it was going to happen."

Yuri doesn't pull his chin away. His eyes just glared right back at JJ, unwavering. Consciously, he knew this wasn't a good idea...

"Why shouldn't you have them? Because you don't deserve them..? Because I can agree with that one."

"We'll just end up where we were," JJ pointed out. History was so easy, too tempting, to repeat. Thought, admittedly, it'd be nice to repeat some things. His eyes locked on Yuri. He disagreed, though. He felt like he did deserve this. At least, a bit.

Still... he knew he shouldn't.

He tugged Yuri's chin towards him, and planted a kiss on his lips. It was a hard kiss, a little more desperate than the last one he did.

Yes, this was what he wanted.

They were definitely going to end up where they were but this time it wouldn't have a three year interruption. Where were they going to end up without something to derail the mess that this relationship was?

He doesn't push JJ away this time, instead pressing himself closer, an arm looping around the other man's neck to hold him close.

He was stronger now. He could be a bit pushy too.

He broke the kiss just to whisper against JJ's lips. "Come back to my room.."

"Alright," JJ conceded. He knew that even if he kept telling himself he shouldn't, that he would because that was what he wanted, and it was who he wanted right now. Even if it was some horrible mistake.

A hand moved to tug at Yuri's waist. Stronger - he noticed it. He knew there were tattoos on his skin now, too.

He almost hesitated to step away so he could follow Yuri up. Now, it didn't matter if they were seen. Not sneaking for the first time ever in the time they had been doing this - would be new.

Yuri turns at the tug, walking towards the hotel. He was silent on the walk up to the room, silent in the elevator. The elevator music made him close his eyes and just listen. He wasn't having to sneak around like a dirt secret. That was a nice feeling at least.

Though, for some reason, he still felt like a dirty secret.

He leads the way onto his floor, moving through the hall. His strides were long and with purpose, no sign of any past injury.

Yuri unlocks the door and steps inside, dropping his bag and coat to the floor. Off came the sweater next. He was just wearing a tanktop underneath so all of that color was revealed. He undoes his jeans next, just wanting to get the thicker layers off and he tosses them across the room before sitting down on the edge of the bed.

There were scars that could be seen. Where the bone had broken skin road rash scars that hadn't faded. He pushes his hair behind his ear, pulling one leg up to tuck under the other.

"So. Besides being a sack of failure, what else have you done."

He places his own coat, hat, and sunglasses on the top shelf inside the closet when he sees Yuri starting to remove articles. He wore black head-to-toe. A turtleneck, slacks. It was easy to blend in when one wore black, JJ found. "I've pretty exclusively been a failure," JJ pointed out, half-hearted. A well established fact. Hell, he just gave up on the ice. There's nothing more of a spectacular failure than that.

"But I trained." That was it. He didn't socialize, he didn't really interact with many other people. He even, only rarely, had one-night stands. And those only happened on days when he took off from training. He didn't like to take off from training, because he still felt comfortably at home on the ice. "In Montreal."

He eyed the scars. He didn't care if Yuri noticed him staring. "I see some changes you've made." He noted, he stepped forward, and brushed fingers over the colorful art.

"How long have you been back to training?"

It was a weirdly civil conversation, he realized. Yuri's comments were more of the casual mud-slinging. JJ had shouted a lot of it out for now.

Yuri noticed the staring. He wasn't surprised by it. There was always some staring when someone saw the scars for the first time. They weren't anything major but they were noticeable and usually people asked what they were. So Yuri wore jeans a lot.

He glances up when JJ touches him, green eyes a bit sharp. "I had scars I didn't feel like showing off. So I did this instead."

It was pretier to look at than skin discoloration. Yuri was more satisfied with the sprays of color than the marks of a bad accident.

"As soon as I was able. I started exercising bit by bit in the first year but I was depressed." Very depressed. "Then in the last two years I started putting more effort in. The doctors thought I was overdoing it but go big or go home, I say."

The conversation was almost too casual. Yuri was just too tired to yell right now. He could be civil to JJ, figure out where they were in life first.

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